The F**k speaks with an anonymous individual.

Rensselaer Drop Squad Evidence
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The following is a transcript of a conversation between The F**k and an another individual. "The Dean" refers to the Associate Dean of Students. Blanks indicate unidentifiable words.

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THE F**K: I don't know. I've experienced so many bad things since I've been here that I guess you kind of get used to it. I think that's what's happened. I've gotten used to it.

JOHN DOE: No plan of attack for the dean?

THE F**K: Oh, there's a plan of attack. I always have one.

JOHN DOE: Yeah, tell the truth?

THE F**K: [Laughter] What? Please define.

JOHN DOE: [Laughter]

THE F**K: You know, I know what the truth is. It's just something that I don't do. [Pause] I don't know. It just depends on what he asks me.

JOHN DOE: Don't you realize that if you lie to a dean - that's bad.

THE F**K: No, it's not bad if you lie to a dean. It's bad if you get caught lying to a dean.

JOHN DOE: I don't know. I think telling the truth is usually the best policy myself.

THE F**K: [Laughter]

JOHN DOE: Then again, I'm also the one who didn't do all the stuff.

THE F**K: Why tell the truth when you can do a perfectly good lie?

JOHN DOE: That's a bad policy to live by.

THE F**K: [Laughter] I don't know. It just depends on what happens.

JOHN DOE: I mean, how ______ could you expect to lie about all this stuff?

THE F**K: [Laughter] Do you know if you try hard enough, you can make a man believe absolutely anything.

JOHN DOE: If you have half the campus being subpoenaed by the dean of students. Doesn't that almost make you think, hmm. Things that might make you go hmm. I don't know. I figured you be finally talking to everyone. Alright here's the story, here's the story. Oh, God. I don't know. I think you ought'a just tell them the truth. Admit what you did.

THE F**K: I'm gonna' go in with BurgerMan.

JOHN DOE: When ya' goin' in?

THE F**K: The same time that he is.

JOHN DOE: Oh. When is his appointment.

THE F**K: I think he said April the first.

JOHN DOE: Oh. Why, are they taking people two at a time, again?

THE F**K: No, I'm just gonna' see if we can do that.

JOHN DOE: Oh. Oh, God.

THE F**K: But he's like quick; like F**k quick; I need a quick bullshit lesson. [Laughter] I don't know.

JOHN DOE: You really think lying to a dean is the best policy?

THE F**K: Well, I mean telling the truth isn't exactly gonna' keep us in. Oh, yeah. Uh huh. Yes, I threw a tree down. That just wouldn't sound right. But dean, none of that was us.

COMMENT: "Keep us in" - The F**k thought that he might be expelled.

JOHN DOE: Well, if you were to tell the truth, what would you actually say to them? If you were telling the absolute truth? I mean, what would you actually say to them? How would you phrase such a thing?

THE F**K: I know. I don't know how to... I can only phrase a lie.

JOHN DOE: I mean, what are you guilty of? Uh, well. If you walk in and they say, "Alright, The F**k, would you like to tell us what you feel you might be guilty of that could be in violation of school policy?" What would your comment be? I mean the truth; I mean you've gotta' tell the truth. The truth is definitely the best policy.

THE F**K: I think... I don't know. What did I do wrong?

JOHN DOE: Oof. That, oh. Remember they already told you which pages to read in that book, if I'm not mistaken, right? I saw some of the other letters and they...

THE F**K: There was nothing in there that says you can't drop things down stairwells. I mean I never see any one thing in that book that says you can't... Objects shall not be thrown down any length of height of building. They never said anything like that.

JOHN DOE: You think it's okay to do it then?

THE F**K: [Laughter] I'll say I didn't know 'cause there's no rule.

JOHN DOE: You think they're gonna' be mad at you since you actually threw everything?

THE F**K: I don't know.

JOHN DOE: You think they're gonna' like give you a punishment based on who threw what?

THE F**K: Oh, God.

JOHN DOE: I guess you'd just be dead then, at that point.

THE F**K: Yes, very dead.

JOHN DOE: How many things did you actually throw?

THE F**K: Hmm. I threw the Christmas tree. I threw tennis balls. [Garbled] the chair. I helped throw the newspapers.

JOHN DOE: Oh, man. I mean. Hmm. What are you gonna' do? Just get a letter. I mean you'd better write these down before you go in.

THE F**K: What I dropped?

JOHN DOE: They'll say "What are you guilty of?" "Here you go. I'll see you later. Talk to you in a few years." I don't know. How would you phrase that. You know? "Well, The F**k, what do you feel that you did wrong?" "I don't know." "Well, here's a list." And they read off what you just said. What's your response? I mean, how are you going...

* * *
(Recorder Batteries Went Dead)
* * *

THE F**K: X was insulted by showing a video tape of me doing everything.

JOHN DOE: I don't know. I mean you did do everything.

THE F**K: Wrong. No. I mean, that was to the extreme. Actually, I think I was fifty percent.

JOHN DOE: That's it?

THE F**K: And everyone else did like ten percent. I was always with them, remember, until the Christmas tree. And after the Christmas tree, things were a little bit sporadic.

COMMENT: The F**k threw the following: 1 Large Pumpkin, 9 Small Pumpkins, Half of an Office Chair, 1 Tree, 30 Paper Airplanes, 9 Records, 200 Tennis Balls, 400 Copies of The Polytechnic & 1 Coffee Maker. The only objects that he didn't drop were: 1 Typewriter and 125 McDonalds Hamburgers.

JOHN DOE: I don't know. All I know is you guys never should have done any of that. That was bad.

THE F**K: It was fun.

JOHN DOE: Would you do it all again?

THE F**K: If I had the op... You mean if I had a second chance, would I do it again?

JOHN DOE: Yeah.

THE F**K: Hmm. I might do a couple. Not as many as we did. I might do a couple though.

JOHN DOE: Oh, no. That's bad. You...

THE F**K: Well, of course if he says, "If you had another chance, would you do it again?" of course I'd say, "Oh, no!" But...

JOHN DOE: Well, I mean you...

THE F**K: I wouldn't do anymore now.

JOHN DOE: Well, if your guilty, you gotta' realize you shouldn't have done it in the first place unless you don't have remorse.

THE F**K: I don't think I have remorse. Well, I don't know what I really have, or what I'm really feeling.

JOHN DOE: Do you think they'd want someone in this school who could do stuff like this and then not feel guilty about it and just keep doing it...

THE F**K: Well, of course, I won't say, "Oh, I don't feel guilty. If you let me go I'm just gonna' do it again." I mean, I wouldn't say anything like that. I would just say "No, I'm remorseful that I did it and I'm just gonna' study from now on. I'm not gonna' do anything else but eat, sleep and study and wake up and go to classes the next morning."

JOHN DOE: [Hysterical Laughter] How many classes have you bagged this semester?

THE F**K: I couldn't even count. I can count last semester how many. No, actually I can't.

JOHN DOE: You've missed quite the classes, I'm sure.

THE F**K: A lot of chemistry classes. I don't really skip anything else except that lecture.

COMMENT: The F**k regularly skips other classes to sleep.

JOHN DOE: Oh, no. I mean, you get a letter from the Dean of Students. Does it mention all of this stuff to you or is it just the same form letter that the other guys got?

THE F**K: Oh, no. My letter said video; had a video tape. They said they have a... The Dean of Students has information on some tape. And so I assume the tape that he's talking about is the one that X mentioned to me about the tape showing me doing everything. So I figured oh, so that's what he's - that's what the dean's talking about.

COMMENT: The F**k received the same form letter as everyone else. It did not mention a videotape.

JOHN DOE: Ooh.

THE F**K: But yet they say that you may have been involved. Which seems a little strange since you see my face and you see me doing this. Why would you say may? They should just say, "Oh, you're involved. We're gonna' say may."

JOHN DOE: Well, they're giving you the benefit of the doubt but they want you to come in and tell the honest truth and they're telling you.

THE F**K: ...it was evidence like that to make it look that way. Unless there's a picture of me actually with it in my hand and then throwing it at the same time with showing my face.

JOHN DOE: You would take that risk, hoping that they don't have a perfect video tape of you?

THE F**K: Hmm. No, probably not. It's kind of risky because I wouldn't want to be caught in the middle of a lie. And then, them take out that tape and then show me smiling and then throwing something.

JOHN DOE: Oh, that just isn't right. I don't know. When I talked with Alex, he was a... cause I talked to him out at the house this morning... Yeah, when you guys tried to get him involved in all of this. Well I was talking to him and he just reached over and shook my hand. It's like, "Thank you for talking me out of all of this." So I did something good, at least. I talked a couple people out of doing this stuff with you. Of course, I couldn't talk you guys out of it. I don't want to see... I mean I kept talking people out of this as much as I could 'cause I knew you guys were trouble.

THE F**K: Actually, eventually you got me to quit.

JOHN DOE: Yeah, I tried to stop you guys as soon as I could but I mean there's no way. You guys had your minds set. I mean you were just pushing, "Let's go, let's go!" That was pretty wrong. That was cool. At least Alex goes, "That I-told-you-so syndrome is definitely present here." That's evil.

THE F**K: What?

JOHN DOE: That ____ with Alex.

THE F**K: Oh, for him to say that?

JOHN DOE: Yeah. You should tell them, "I told you so." He's like "I'm so glad I listened to you." I'm like, "Yup." Someone who listened to me. The world is safe. Someone listened to me.

THE F**K: Well, I told my father about, you know, that I got a letter.

JOHN DOE: What did he say?

THE F**K: Of course, I had to listen to how stupid; You know, him telling me how stupid I am for getting involved in something like that. You know, just doing stupid things like that in the first place and then he said I should have been spending more time studying instead of doing idle things like throwing things down buildings. And he just went on and on. And I took my phone off-the-air.

JOHN DOE: You did tell your father, at least, the truth, didn't you?

THE F**K: Oh, yeah, you've gotta' tell someone the truth. You can't lie to everybody. Then, that's kind of bad.

JOHN DOE: You told the truth? You finally told the truth. Did you tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth or the F**k truth and a little more F**k truth?

THE F**K: I guess it was a little... Well I didn't say anything about getting expelled or anything. I don't want him to go into that mode. So, I just well... "I might be doing some community service for what I did."

JOHN DOE: [Hysterical Laughter] Community service! Oh, imagine if you had to clean up. You know, that would be the fairest thing for you guys; to just have to clean up.

THE F**K: Yeah, that's what he said. He thought that would be fair. He said that for us to have to go around with environmental services.

JOHN DOE: Cleaning for a few years.

THE F**K: Cleaning for a while.

JOHN DOE: Well, actually, I think they should just boot you, but that's just me.

THE F**K: Oh, yeah.

JOHN DOE: Well, I mean you obviously show no remorse. Is this not true? I don't know. You're gonna' go in. I can see it. You're gonna' tell the truth. You're gonna' tell them what you're involved in and then they're just gonna' look at you and go, "Uh huh."

THE F**K: Maybe I might want to speak with some professors.

JOHN DOE: Professors?

THE F**K: Yeah. They might be able to help me. You gotta' use all your resources as possible.

JOHN DOE: What? Have them go in and say, "Yeah, he's a liar."

THE F**K: No, of course not. I mean, they could boost me up a little bit. Make it seem a little bit better.

JOHN DOE: "Yeah, he really knows the trajectory of what he throws."

THE F**K: Shut up. No, I mean if I could get somebody like...

JOHN DOE: Would you want your professors knowing the charges against you?

THE F**K: Hmm.

JOHN DOE: That would be worse.

THE F**K: That might kind of choose to give them... give me worse grades.

JOHN DOE: If the school lets you stay, with community service and stuff like that, would you want the math department to have your name? I assume the math department is kind of a community-like thing, right. And if you're going towards grad. student work and stuff like that, your name would be filtered around. I don't think you'd enjoy that.

THE F**K: "Oh, you're the grad. student that used to drop things." No, I don't think that would be good for things.

JOHN DOE: Oh, man. Well, how much could Dean of Students know about you, right?

THE F**K: Oh, well, yeah. They don't know anything. I mean I've never been on. .. I'm not on academic probation or disciplinary probation.

JOHN DOE: Yet.

THE F**K: Yeah, yet. So, I mean I have no other counts of any bad things that I've done. So this would be like my first offense.

JOHN DOE: Each drop counts for one. Each drop is a probation. "Woop, well we're gonna' give you sixteen counts of probation." That's how they do it. Each incident's a probation.

THE F**K: Well, then, in that case, then I've only did a couple.

JOHN DOE: Is that what you're gonna' tell them?

THE F**K: Yeah.

JOHN DOE: You've gotta' tell the truth. It's gonna' come to the point where they're gonna' wonder, "Gee, all these stories are perfect except for..."

THE F**K: "There's a little gap in one of them."

JOHN DOE: "Everyone says he did it and he says he doesn't remember who did it."

THE F**K: Well, Reagan got away with it.

JOHN DOE: He was eight-hundred years old. But that's also a different thing. But that's only with Iran-Contra and plus he could send them into jail if he wanted, I suppose.

THE F**K: He was just... The Congress was handling... And he lied to them and he got off. Bush got off, too. In fact, he went on to be president.

JOHN DOE: What's this world coming to? So Bush is your idol for lying?

THE F**K: Maybe that's why I wanted him to win again.

JOHN DOE: I mean, in all of this, you haven't done that much wrong stuff here, have you?

THE F**K: Well other than that, no.

JOHN DOE: I mean, you've done the drops. You've done a lot of drops. What else have you done. I mean I don't know everything you've done, I guess. You guys wouldn't tell me everything.

THE F**K: You would know everything that I've done. I mean... what else could there possibly have been to do?

JOHN DOE: I don't know. You tell me.

THE F**K: I mean, yeah, the drops; that's a big thing, but they accused me of vandalism, disorderly conduct and safety violations. Now, I think that's already a big thing, you know, because the school's already been accused of, you know, safety violation things. They were getting ready to sued by the safety council, so you know.

JOHN DOE: For chemistry, yeah. And I suppose they know about the prank phone calls you make.

THE F**K: No.

JOHN DOE: Oh, they don't. It didn't appear in your letter?

THE F**K: No.

JOHN DOE: Then you don't have to worry about that. Or maybe you will, you never know.

THE F**K: No, that would involve the police. That's cops, because that's fraud.

JOHN DOE: Wait a minute. What is this.

THE F**K: That's fraud, 'cause remember, I said, "Yes, my name is James Gateau." And that was; I mean, that's fraud.

COMMENT: The F**k called Department of Public Safety and fraudulently reported that drunk individuals were banging on James Gateau's door with the intent of doing him bodily harm.

JOHN DOE: Wait, when did you do this? Oh.

THE F**K: Remember, Gateau.

JOHN DOE: No, I remember. Yep.

THE F**K: No, I mean it was... You remember the time when... Well, "Be advised it's from an outside line." That was James Gateau. And he doesn't even know who I... I mean the other day, when we was coming out of Physics lab, he held... He, um... I was coming down the steps. He opened up the door for me. "Here you go." Not realizing who I was.

JOHN DOE: You did some very wrong things. What about Nolder.

THE F**K: I just hope he doesn't have to be involved. Period.

JOHN DOE: Doesn't... I mean... If I'm not mistaken, I believe you convinced Mr. Nolder that you wouldn't do any of this again, or something to that effect. He did let you off the hook, if I remember correctly. He's not going to be a happy man, there. Mr. Nolder.

COMMENT: Mr. Nolder is Douglas Nolder - Residence Life Area Coordinator for The F**k's dorm.

THE F**K: Happy residence life officer. As long as he doesn't know. That's what I'm counting on. That he won't find out.

JOHN DOE: Well, if X was questioning people, wouldn't it go to Mr. Nolder? 'Cause that's X's boss. And then go to Dean of Students.

COMMENT: X is the associate for The F**k's dorm.

THE F**K: No, it would go to the Dean of Students.

JOHN DOE: X would deliver it to the Dean of Students?

THE F**K: Yeah.

JOHN DOE: You really think so?

THE F**K: That's who it goes to. Because the Dean of Students would be the person directly responsible for it. But how can you have a... Who is Dean McCulley? Is he the assistant dean?

COMMENT: Dean Melanie McCulley is the Associate Dean of Students.

JOHN DOE: I wouldn't know. I've never done anything wrong. Never been involved with a liar. I try to keep it that way.

THE F**K: Well you're a liar.

JOHN DOE: No, I don't.

THE F**K: "My mother's dead." Even I wouldn't go to that... well. Unless it was purposely.

JOHN DOE: It was a joke.

THE F**K: Oh, yeah. "My mother's dead."

JOHN DOE: That was a joke.

THE F**K: Yeah, that was a, that's a real joke.

JOHN DOE: Oh, no. I suppose Mr. Nolder might remember some quotes you might have told him saying, "I don't do this."

THE F**K: "It was someone from another dorm."

JOHN DOE: What did you say in your speech with Nolder? I don't remember.

THE F**K: That's what I said. I said that we happen to know who the people are that do it.

COMMENT: In his meeting with Mr. Nolder, The F**k denied dropping objects down the CII stairwell and throwing glass bottles out his dorm- room window. He was captured on videotape doing both.

JOHN DOE: You said you weren't one of 'em?

THE F**K: Yeah.

JOHN DOE: Ooh, ooh. That could hurt.

THE F**K: That's why I was hoping that he never sees this tape and I asked X who saw it. He said that wasn't important.

JOHN DOE: Ooh, ooh.

THE F**K: But he said who do I think it's going to go to and when I said Dean of Students office and he said... he was like... he basically verified what I said, even though he didn't actually say it. It's just a good thing it didn't go to him.

JOHN DOE: Well, we know that X's boss - the only person X deals with is res. life. He doesn't deal with Dean of Students. He's paid by res. life. He works for res. life. He lives for res. life. Mr. Nolder may be involved in this. He's a really nice guy, too. I mean, I remember 'cause I had... remember when I had to talk with Mr. Nolder. That wasn't very fair. When I had to speak with him.

THE F**K: Yes, it was. It was quite fair.

JOHN DOE: Getting blamed for all your actions.

[Coughing & Tape Glitch]

JOHN DOE: Just a bit. You guys were really evil this year. If they let you come back another year, you better shape up. That's all I can say.

THE F**K: Well, most likely, we'll be, all of us will be separated. That might help, I guess.

JOHN DOE: Well, they gonna' let you finish the year and then just not come back. That might be what happens.

THE F**K: I don't know, because remember, they were gonna' let that kid that stole $33,000 of computer equipment stay.

JOHN DOE: Well, they kicked him out, I believe.

THE F**K: Yeah, they did expel him. But, they didn't kick him out in the beginning. They were just gonna' let him stay. You see the school ___ is really lenient. But, I'm not gonna' be counting on that 'cause I don't know the system too well.

JOHN DOE: Well, it's good the school probably gives you the benefit of the doubt, but when you have so many charges against you, maybe it looks bad.

THE F**K: Yes, it looks very bad.

JOHN DOE: I mean, how are you going to discuss this with them? You're gonna' go with BurgerMan?

THE F**K: Well basically, it would probably be most proper since we were the... well, we weren't the only two that did... the vandalism charge. And then, I guess dropping the Christmas tree is considered vandalism. I mean, I could go in there and say, "That's not the proper definition of vandalism. What we did was not vandalism. It was art." No, I'd better not say that. No, I'm not gonna' say art. That would involve something in a whole other universe.

JOHN DOE: So, you're finally feeling guilty then if you can't come up with a...

THE F**K: Oh, my God. I'm stumped. I don't know what to say.

JOHN DOE: So you're finally gonna' tell the truth. That's the way to do it. You go and you tell 'em the truth.

THE F**K: I'm probably just gonna' say, "Well, I just honestly know what to say. I've quit doing all of the actions. There's no more R.D.S. We repent. We remorse our sins."

JOHN DOE: And then they're gonna' look at their video tape and say, "Excuse me. And you sent this where?" Did that deal ever fall through?

THE F**K: You know, MTV.

JOHN DOE: Yeah.

THE F**K: They have eleven, no, actually twelve video tapes that Mr. Tercoulie sees. I mean I saw Mr. Tercoulie for a second and then I started talking to him and he went, "Bye." 'cause he had to go catch the elevator. It's right above Viacom. It's a really nice place. You know, the inside of it. And I had another copy of the video. I came in and you know, directly to her, with the letter, with a new copy of that letter that we faxed to them, except this time it gets to them, and I handed it to the secretary and she said that there were only twelve video tapes so every single one of them is going to get a chance to be seen by Mr. Tercoulie.

COMMENT: Mr. Tercoulie denied that he had ever met or heard of The F**k.

JOHN DOE: How come he hasn't called you yet, though?

THE F**K: What?

JOHN DOE: How come he never called?

THE F**K: I left our number. You know, I put The Chairman's number and I put my number and this was on; what day was this?; the day before I came back. I don't know. It was Friday. It was Friday that I went.

JOHN DOE: S%@t. Was that the blizzard?

THE F**K: Yeah, it was that day. Right.

JOHN DOE: You think he'll put it through?

THE F**K: I don't know, but I wrote a new letter to him saying how this would greatly benefit MTV as well as our school and I put a whole bunch of crap about how our school has the biggest union in the world and they have a bunch of TV stations that devote channels to MTV and how this would effect the community of Troy and also set the trend for other colleges that might want to copy what we do and put their video tapes on.

JOHN DOE: So, you lied to MTV?

THE F**K: Yeah. Basically.

JOHN DOE: Oh, boy. I detect a trend in you. "Truth, what's that?"

THE F**K: It's too much fun to tell lies, though.

JOHN DOE: Is that what it is? Lying is a sport? Lying - the sport of champions. I don't know. With you, I almost wonder. You are a wonder-child.

THE F**K: Well, I tell the truth sometimes.

JOHN DOE: You make all children wonder what the hell you are. You tell the truth when? When it suits you?

THE F**K: Yeah, basically. Somebody actually told me that before. Said that to me.

JOHN DOE: The truth is what suits you, I guess.

THE F**K: Yeah.

JOHN DOE: I don't know. I can't see you saying anything could get you off the hook. Could you even fathom something possibly that could.

THE F**K: Yeah, I can see a couple of things. I mean, I think I'm gonna' just... I don't know. Probably try to see how I can use any influence as far as the math department is concerned. I mean how much they might want me. You have to B.S. your way out of things. I can use the classes that I take now as some kind of backup. I gotta' see if something works. I mean, when you're in trouble you gotta' use everything possible.

JOHN DOE: You could just come clean.

THE F**K: Yeah, you do that and then you say some other stuff, too. You do what Quark did on {Deep Space Nine}.

JOHN DOE: Oh, you were here for the groveling part.

THE F**K: Yeah.

JOHN DOE: "Um, alright, let's try this story." Oh, man. I would love to see you squirm in front of D.O.S.O.

THE F**K: I don't know. I don't think I can squirm. I don't know if I can squirm to anyone. That would be going under my ego. Which is really stupid, but I don't know if I could beg anybody. 'Cause it would get to me.

JOHN DOE: You mean you wouldn't come clean and then beg for mercy if that's the only way you could stay.

THE F**K: No, I'd probably let myself get kicked out. I'd rather do that than have to say, "Please, please keep me in."

JOHN DOE: I don't know about you, F**k. Are you on Prozac or something? I almost wonder.

THE F**K: Well, they won't have to be worrying about me too long.

JOHN DOE: Someday all of this is going to catch up to you. You do realize this?

THE F**K: What, you mean lying? How?

JOHN DOE: I don't know. I mean honesty is the best policy.

THE F**K: I never really tell any lies that are... that concerns life and death or anything.

JOHN DOE: What if the dean listens to everything you've got to say and then says back to you, "Well, from what we've heard, what you've just told me doesn't seem to coincide with all the other reports we have from the rest of the campus." What would your response be? They're wrong?

THE F**K: Um hum. (Affirmative reply.) You don't always believe the majority.

JOHN DOE: Oh, no. Oh, no. I get the feeling I'll have a room to myself. That would be bad.

THE F**K: I'll just appeal. I'll just keep appealing as much as I can.

JOHN DOE: That's squirming, though.

THE F**K: No, I mean when I appeal it, I'll just say, "Oh, I don't accept your decision" and if you say that, then they say "Oh, okay," then you have to appeal it to the judicial board and if they don't then the interfraternity council.

JOHN DOE: But, in the mean time, you have to leave school.

THE F**K: No, you stay in school.

COMMENT: During the appeal process, students are put on temporary suspension until all appeals are completed. The interfraternity council is not involved in the personal appeal process.

JOHN DOE: Oh, you do?

THE F**K: Yeah, you stay in school until they finally kick you out. Until you finally go to the president and he says, "Well, according to everything, I don't think you should stay here." Then you get kicked out. But until... while the whole court thing is going on, you're still in school.

JOHN DOE: The F**k's gonna' do time. Oh, man.

THE F**K: I'm not gonna' suggest any ideas for punishment. But I don't know. What does it mean if you're on disciplinary probation, anyway?

JOHN DOE: It means you have a record at the school. And when future companies want to hire you, it'll technically be on your record. It'll be on your transcript. I don't know where they'd put it on there. Under activities or something. "Well, his extracurricular activities included disciplinary probation for four years, a temporary suspension for a semester and, well, a hell of a restitution." I mean, I don't know. If you want to ask anyone, I guess ask The Chairman. I think he's on probation. Actually, no, I remember, he was on probation. He was in the Poly about it.

THE F**K: He was only on probation for a semester, right?

JOHN DOE: No, two years. He had double probation. Each probation was a year. So he's on two years probation right now.

THE F**K: For this year and next year, right.

JOHN DOE: Yep. Plus what ever they give him for this one. They probably have him for a pattern or something. I mean if your on two years of probation and they get you on this I suppose they get rather displeased with you. I don't know how else to state that.

THE F**K: [Laughter] Displeased. I think that might be due.

JOHN DOE: Displeased is a good word. Oh, well. The world is evil. Mostly because of you. So what's your story gonna' be. I just want to hear your story.

THE F**K: I know you wish you could be a fly on the wall.

JOHN DOE: I would just love to hear your story.

THE F**K: Maybe I should tape it.

JOHN DOE: What is your story?

THE F**K: I might tape it. Usually my stories don't come until it actually hits me. Until I'm there. I'm usually very impromptu. Like, I didn't think about what I was going to say for Nolder. I just kind of went in there and let it flow. What ever first came to my head, that's what I let come.

JOHN DOE: So you didn't tell the truth to Mr. Nolder?

THE F**K: Well, he got truth.

COMMENT: The "truth" Mr. Nolder recieved from The F**k is only true in The F**k's mind.

JOHN DOE: So, you did lie to him? I don't remember. I thought you basically... he did the same thing with me. He asked me what I knew and then he said even if you know about it, tell them to stop. That's what he said to me. And I did. I honestly tried to stop you guys. I did everything short of calling public safety on you. You took care of that for me.

THE F**K: Thank you.

JOHN DOE: No problem.

THE F**K: I tried my best.

JOHN DOE: I mean if you were gonna' call in public safety, the least you could have done was plead for amnesty before you give them any information, you know. Does that make sense.

THE F**K: Yeah, but I didn't give them any information. That's why they didn't even call back.

JOHN DOE: That's probably why they started an investigation with X.

THE F**K: No, they didn't start an investigation with X. X started an investigation when he got the video tape.

JOHN DOE: Oh, that could do it.

THE F**K: But, one thing I don't understand though, is why X. He's at fault a little bit too.

JOHN DOE: How's that.

THE F**K: Because he knew who doing it in the first place and his job is to report it.

JOHN DOE: Well, when did X know about this?

THE F**K: He knew about it way before the tape was even created showing me doing that. He knew who was doing it.

JOHN DOE: Like, what. That was like before Christmas break?

THE F**K: Yeah, remember, he saw the tape. He saw our finished product. So he knew.

JOHN DOE: He never did file any report or...

THE F**K: No, he never said anything to anyone about it. The only time he actually said anything was when The Chairman went down there and showed him the video tape. He saw the video tape and then, I don't know. The Chairman convinced him that he wants him to turn it in and start an investigation on the whole thing. And that's how it all started.

COMMENT: The investigation began long before X recieved the videotape.

JOHN DOE: Was X trying to get you to give him information on The Chairman?

THE F**K: Yeah. He wanted... Since The Chairman was... He said since The Chairman was, you know, coming in giving information, I might as well just give information too. And I said anybody that wants to give information is gonna' have to do that on their own. It's just that I can only tell exactly what I had done. But anybody else; that's their responsibility to do it so I didn't say any names. So he called everyone else and spoke to them and BurgerMan admitted to yes, I was involved in... I don't know how he got everyone else, but. He got ways to talk to everyone else and then of course he wrote all those names down and sent 'em in.

JOHN DOE: Why was he going after The Chairman so hard?

THE F**K: Oh, because he said when he showed the tape... when he saw the tape, and he saw it was all me, he thought there was something strange that there was... why was he showing a tape with just me in it. It wouldn't make any sense 'cause he knew...

JOHN DOE: Probably because they're was no footage of The Chairman.

THE F**K: Right, and why there was no footage of anyone else who was involved that he knew was involved already, off the record in the drop squad, so he thought that was strange, so that caused him to start talking to other people and that's how it ended up like that.

JOHN DOE: Yep. It seemed like X had a vendetta against The Chairman.

THE F**K: I wondered about that. I was wondering, but I thought he was just like, well it seems kind of strange why would he just be coming... he didn't understand why The Chairman was, you know, turning me in.

JOHN DOE: Everyone else thought X had this major vendetta against The Chairman or something. It was weird. It's like he was going after the rich white kid or something. I don't know.

THE F**K: That would... who thought that?

JOHN DOE: Well, the other people who got letters, you know, who had talked to X and then X was just questioning and questioning them about..

THE F**K: ...what The Chairman was doing?

JOHN DOE: Yeah. Is that what it seemed like to you?

THE F**K: It seemed a little... I thought it was strange. But what it was, was that I remember when The Chairman went in there, The Chairman went there, he went in there and said something like "This is everything. Everything that you see on the videotape is how it happened and I never dropped a single thing. All I did was video tape it."

JOHN DOE: He never did throw anything, did he?

THE F**K: Oh, yes he did. He was involved. You have a copy of him throwing. He actually threw records. He helped me with the newspapers. He spit, which definitely doesn't really count for much, but he did that. And of course, he rammed the records up against the wall down at the bottom. But, then of course there was his little smart little remarks that he gave to the environmental services crew. And of course he helped me with the flyers - throwing the flyers down the stairs.

JOHN DOE: Oh, no. Well, he never actually dropped anything.

THE F**K: Yeah, he dropped the records.

JOHN DOE: Not down the center, though.

THE F**K: Yeah, he dropped the records down the center and he dropped the newspapers down, too.

COMMENT: The Chairman could not have dropped anything down the center because he was always holding the camera.

JOHN DOE: Ooh. Oh, well.

THE F**K: Remember, BurgerMan decided to stop, so The Chairman just decided to do it. And he was taping it and helping me push it. I was pushing the main thing but The Chairman was like shoving the rest of them out. Anything else he could get out.

COMMENT: After BurgerMan decided to stop, The F**k convinced him to continue. The Chairman held the video camera the whole time and never assisted.

JOHN DOE: Hmm. So you think X really had a vendetta against The Chairman?

THE F**K: Hmm. Let me think.

JOHN DOE: I mean, the way he was asking questions to people, did it sound like he was going... "What can you tell me about The Chairman's involvement?" Like he was just trying to trip up The Chairman's story.

THE F**K: Well, what it, yeah. What it is, is that The Chairman... If you really look at it, he saw that everyone else was, he saw BurgerMan, he saw me, I mean, he saw everyone else. He knew that basically we were gonna' get in trouble because we had a lot of involvement. But, he knew The Chairman had a lot to do with it. I don't know why he thought in that kind of pattern. But I do know that X wanted to get... I don't know why he wanted to get something on The Chairman, but The Chairman was like trying to clean his whole hands of the whole issue.

JOHN DOE: Hmm. That's bad.

THE F**K: That's why... And I talked to BurgerMan about it and he was like, "Oh, as far as that issue is concerned and the R.D.S. is concerned," because I was talking to BurgerMan when I asked him about when he's gonna' make his appointment with Mr. Whatever, the dean, and he - BurgerMan - was like, "Oh, well we don't talk about that anymore. We don't talk about the R.D.S. Whenever I bring R.D.S. and the meetings up, The Chairman tries not to say - tries to change the subject and he never talks about it with me." So, that seems a little strange. So I don't know if The Chairman was trying to wipe himself clean and just get everyone else in trouble because basically when he made a tape showing me, that was basically gonna' get everyone else involved in trouble, too. It really didn't do any good except waste an hour of his time to show me doing everything, because that was all gonna'... everybody else was gonna' come out as soon as I came out, anyway.

COMMENT: The Chairman hadn't talked to The F**k for several weeks prior to this conversation. BurgerMan never talked to The F**k about The Chairman.

JOHN DOE: Hmm. That's true. Yeah, I guess X is pretty much at fault, too. He should have reported you guys.

THE F**K: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. And I told him. I was like, "This whole thing seem strange." First, why X would just turn in. He didn't speak to me before he turned that tape in. So, I started thinking, "Hmm, does he have something against me, too?" I just started wondering what's going on in his... What is he thinking in his mind? And then I thought he maybe didn't even send it in.

JOHN DOE: He's probably angry at you because you were responsible for the bottles being broken outside Cary hall.

THE F**K: No, 'cause he didn't know anything about that. That went from Stan to Nolder. 'Cause remember, Stan went over X's head.

JOHN DOE: Well, a lot of a mess. Cary three is a bad place to be.

THE F**K: A lot of stories.

JOHN DOE: Well, it's something to remember if you don't get kicked out. You're life won't be ruined, at least, and there'll be something to remember and hopefully, maybe a learning experience for you guys. That's what it could be. If you guys get punished, maybe you guys will learn and mature a little bit. Then again, knowing you, well.

THE F**K: I'm mature.

JOHN DOE: [Laughter] Uh huh. Does truth fall in to maturity? I don't know. Or lack there of of truth?

THE F**K: My father actually said use. I don't know what my father... He's always like, I mean, for some reason, he must think I envy you.

JOHN DOE: Why?

THE F**K: And I try to...

JOHN DOE: ...try to stop that.

THE F**K: I try to downplay that. Like when I told him about the letter, he was like, "Well, what about Adam, did he get one?" He says, "Yeah, that's because he's smart. He knows how to avoid things like that. He doesn't get involved in stupid activities like that. He's probably a very studious person." And I said, "No, he doesn't..."

JOHN DOE: Oh, God.

THE F**K: "He's smart enough not to get caught."

JOHN DOE: He's just using that as something to get at you.

THE F**K: Yeah.

JOHN DOE: But I am studious. I'm pulling my grades pretty well.

THE F**K: Oh, yeah. Right.

JOHN DOE: My grades are good. I'm respectable for this school. Unlike people I won't name.

THE F**K: I'm respectable.

JOHN DOE: Well, maybe after this semester. We'll see.

THE F**K: After this semester, I'll be very respectable. An ace in math...

COMMENT: The F**k getting an A in math this semester is highly unlikely.

JOHN DOE: Wouldn't that be bad though. This semester when you finally get your ass in gear and your doing well in classes and stuff, they boot you out and they discount this semester. And they only give you for transcripts the first semester plus a expulsion for the second semester.

THE F**K: That would not be good.

JOHN DOE: That would look pretty bad. That's something to think about. I suppose you could just tell other schools... I suppose you wouldn't tell other schools that you ever came to college here.

THE F**K: No, I wouldn't.

JOHN DOE: So, you'd just lie to them, too.

THE F**K: Yes.

JOHN DOE: Well, what do you know the line between truth and lies.

THE F**K: Hmm. I think that when someone's life is at stake, I might tell the truth.

JOHN DOE: You might.

THE F**K: Yeah. Maybe if you were choking in here, I wouldn't say... I would tell the truth. I'd say that you were...

JOHN DOE: ...dying. Yeah, my roommate's dead. How. Oh, I think he choked. Oh, alright.

THE F**K: No, I wouldn't say you choked. I'd say that you were having a heart attack.

JOHN DOE: So they send in... They start doing these EKG thing and they're sending electricity through me. "Oh, he's not breathing. Ah, we'll give him mouth-to-mouth. Oh, he's choking on something. Oh, alright. Too late. He's dead." Oh well. Some day you'll learn to tell the truth.

THE F**K: I guess, no. But on life and death, I guess I'd tell the truth. But other than that, I see no reason.

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End Of Recording
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